Sunday, December 26, 2010

Money Wise

Hello Candy!

Today was an eventful day for me. As you know, I was bragging about not getting my PTPTN and today, as you want to hear about me getting it, I am sad to say, I didn't got them. Some people said that it might be yesterday but yesterday didn't and some say today but today didn't. How do these process works actually? Why is it that some of my peers have already got them but there are some that didn't got them.. right? How unfair! Some of my peers have got their PTPTN and now are spending it because it's sale season and caroler are singing but for those some of US didn't are well, sitting aside and looking at them well being all jealous. Do you get what I'm saying? Huh~!! I'm so frustrated! Is this how you promised us? I know there's system and process and all the crap there is but You really have to think about those of us who are unable to get money. Really it's unfair. 

In other words, I'm dreadful seriously. I can't think clearly. It's not that I want to go shopping and go Jollying my loan or anything, it's just that Well truthfully, I need money. I need to survive. For how long do I need to ask money from My Mom right? She has her own trouble let alone to give me some. I just want to get out of the way and  ensure she has no trouble with me. It's like I want to stop giving her any burden. I just want it to stop! I'm sorry for being a burden to her I'm just am. I'm going to finish studying soon and well going to work and earn my own money. Survive myself. 

You know when you're young, you're always spending and asking these and that and SH*T.. why I bold it?

S is for substance
H is for help
I is for improve
T is for trouble

as crazy as it may sound. It is actually true and actual. As a matter of a fact, how much do you spend buying cloths and etc but you only used them for a short amount of time? In the end, either you sell for second hand or you give it to charity. It may sound nice that you gave it to charity and In Islam it is part of our religion to provide those in need or charity. But, it is critically about how you spend them. I mean you buy cloths and shoes and jewelry and stuff that in the end the value may be dropped or well, you get what I mean! Don't tell me you don't!! Everyone goes through them. Silly me! Why am i explaining it from A to Z anyway. Well since you get what I mean then you might as well know what I'm saying! Sorry I'm not mad just mad at myself.. Can't seem to figure why... hurmm...

Well, I know myself growing up, all I want was to follow my friends who were cooler and dressier or prettier or magazine that shows cloth like these and that and make up and shoes~! oh shoeS!! How mind bothering you are! I wasted all those and in return the shoes are either torn, thrown or useless because the era now has change. The trend has change and well cloths end too, only those that are in season like vintage and retro are you know what I mean. Well, I have to wait till I have children to give it too (if they want them, who knows right?) but serious in 15 years time including me being single and not married no children era, I think my cloths are either HISTORY or BANNED! that's what I'm thinking...

actually... I kinda got off the topic again... hurmmm... you know what, this is my head. and I can't figure my own head my self... I always talk like these, one topic without ending comes another one and here I go again mumbling a new topic about my weird brain!

back to my original topic, which i kinda got loss into, wait...what was my topic? oh yeah, haha... I don't want to trouble mama and me growing up buyiing shitty cloths.. ok.. so, I've plus and add and did calculations (which i suck at mathematics) and tadaaa!! 

even if i got my loan, I have to do these first:
1) pay roadtax of my car (i have a car?? yeah I do! read my previous post really previous why ok!)
2) pay mama back for what she gave me these month
3) buy Mr Arief (my boyfie) his birthday and for getting such a good results for last semester present!! 
4) I promised hazz and nealy, I'll treat them Korean Food! preferably KIMCHI
5) Camera (thinking do I really need them?)
6) SHOES!!! (seriously?? we have to go through that again??
7) format my laptop 
8) go to nealy's home town as I promised!
9) buy cloths (since my current cloths are outdated, i'm an outfit repeater OKAY!)
10) new handphone (current one is broken, i'm using my late papa's handphone)

soooo... as you can see... I've did my damaged! and now I have to regret ever ever ever wasting money! I'm regretting buying those shoes and those useful items that is now not being used!!!! 

I'm so poor!! I mean I have like survive 14 weeks with the amount that I'm having?! yeah I do! Trust me candy, I feel like crying.. I'm so ashamed of how naive I am with money when Mama always told me that "when you grow up, you'll realize how hard it is to earn money" I do know. Sorry Mama for not listening to your advice. I am... If I saved all those cash I've got then, maybe I won't be so in trouble now right? Yeah, you're right. I won't be. So now, I need to save and well SAVE even if it's the SALE season! In malay, I would say "Harta tak boleh bawa bila dah mati" translation! when you die, those property that you owned will not follow you when you die. I know there's beliefs that says you can but in Islam, the only this that counts is the five obligation to satisfy in your life that will be bring you to heaven. or Syurga.

So I think I went off the topic again.. HOW HOW HOW did I do THAT?? ok, nvm... I need to save up or earn my own money and stay away from shopping complex until duly noted I did to buy IMPORTANT THINGS!! PUT THAT IN YOUR MIND NATALIA!! please!!

fuhh...! I did, so I'll end here. That is a lot isn't it?? yup2... I've just read it and I'm like WOW! Ok..

oh, for those of you, I'm not asking for sympathy or your sorry or your charity. I just want to let it out. I do. I have a very heavy burden on my shoulder since I'm GROWING UP. so, I'm sorry if people think I'm KEDEKUT or GREEDY. I'm not. This is why.

bye candy. Thanks for well being there. in some way. 

PS: in some way, my blog title is named Little Lady Candy Land and it's suppose to sweet as candy. Some how, what I'm writing is not as sweet as delectable as it may sound right? Hmmm.. i'm still searching for new layouts though...

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