Thursday, August 26, 2010

Letters.

Hello candy,
this letter is for my mother. I'm not sure how long will I be in this world but it would be nice if people know how much I love her till now. How much she meant the world to me. Thank you

Dear mama,

Do you remember when you told me, when I was young I would always followed you wherever you'd go even to the toilet. I'm pretty much you remembered it mama. You said it was hard because I was always right in front of the bathroom door. Even till now, I would follow you wherever You'd go. I'm your daughter, It is my blood and my responsibility to take care you and to love you till time part us. It is also my promise to Papa that I never let anyone hurt you, he gave me his trust to take care of you when he is gone. I never thought that those words would be the last I'd hear from him. I miss him and I know you miss him too but you missed him most.

Sometimes, I wonder if your crying or just alright but I know deep down, it hurts painfully to lose him. I can sense it sometimes. Sometimes, I can't stop crying knowing that I miss him even more when time grew further. But I kept my self strong for you, because I know you need me sometimes but most of the times I need you. Your my mother, your my strength, your the one that kept me alive till now. Your the one who'd pick me up when I got hurt. You always realizes when I'm crying or just sick because of flu. Every time I'd cry you would say anything to make me happy, anything to make sure that I'd stop. You once said that If I cry, it would only make you felt even more worst and you would cry too. Honestly, mama I don't know what to say or do to make you feel better after papa left. I don't know how to make you feel happier. I don't know what to say just to cheer you up. I can't think of any. You'd make me strong when I cry but I can't give back what you did. I don't know how. I want to so bad, every time. Every time. I want you to be happy.

Mama, you sacrifice a lot for me and so did papa. You both gave me everything you could to ensure I have a future, a life and not waste anything to make sure my life would be complete. This I know I can repay every little debt I owe to you both. I try my best with my life to make sure you get the life you want. I remember once you told me about your past. When you were young, you didn't have an easy life. You were also an orphan and you would carry your bicycle some times to school if it rains and mud puddle would be every where. How 50 cent would be more than enough for you to eat for one day. I remember every stories you told me of you growing up, as to that as you daughter I want to make your life easier and more tasteful. I want you forget the past that hurts you. However, those past is what kept me wanting to make you happy. I want you to stop having those burden you'd been having all your life. When the times come, I will take those responsibility that is on you shoulders and try to amends all of them one at a time. For every problem, I want you to have a life without problems and without pain and headache.

Mama, for every little mistake I'd make in my life. I want to ask for your forgiveness. I know I made tons of mistake before, sometimes I'd take you for granted, sometimes I yelled at you, sometimes I didn't listen to you. I know every mistake I've done and I apologies for all the mistake that has happen. I can't undo them but I can learn from them to avoid them. That is what you taught me. You taught me a lot while growing up, even now your still teaching me. Never take people for granted. If you let people have an easy life, Allah may grant you an easy life soon. Always respect the elderly and the young even though their naughty and stubborn most of the times. Always give others people first and your's last. Donate to the poor. All these were the one you showed me, you said to me, you gave to me. Even if you didn't meant to teach me, I would still pick it up with you noticing it. I would say now I'm shaping into someone I know you would be happy to see. After all, you did say I am the nicest but a pain to some people. I will try to make things better mama. I will learn and protect you from any harm.

Mama, I love you. I know there so many things to say but I can't say it all at once. Mama, for every sacrifice you made for me, I will try to repay everything even if it cost me my life. I know it might hurt you hearing this, but if you were in trouble or hurt. I will do my best to make sure the person that harm you will have his justice! Mama, I can't say much but if I could I would want to be your donor one day. Anything to make you happy, it is after all my promise.

I love you, mama.
You meant the world to me. You meant that much to me. I know there are people assuming that I forgotten about you because I have Ungku. But they don't know how I felt deep inside my heart. Even with him in my life, your the one that makes my heart beats, you make my life turn, you made every thing ticks and tocks. Honestly, your both important to me than anything in the world but mama your the only one that can hurt me and sadden me. Without you, I'm not sure where I'll be or how I'll be. Without you, I might not be as motivated as this. You mean that much, that much. I would give everything I could for you. For my love for you. For my duty to you. As your daughter, I love you. As your child, I gave my future to make your past gone. As your friend, I want to be there for you. You are my mother, you're my best friend. You're the only one that I could talk to about anything. I spent most of my life with you. Your my mother. Your my heart.

I love you mama.
Always.
Forever.


This is the last photo ever taken by my sister Elida. It is my beloved Papa, Mama, Me and Ungku Arif. A memory that I never forget. This picture was the last the I have ever taken with him. I miss you papa


Love Aya.
(Natalia Sulaiman)

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