Thursday, August 26, 2010

Letters.

Hello candy,
this letter is for my mother. I'm not sure how long will I be in this world but it would be nice if people know how much I love her till now. How much she meant the world to me. Thank you

Dear mama,

Do you remember when you told me, when I was young I would always followed you wherever you'd go even to the toilet. I'm pretty much you remembered it mama. You said it was hard because I was always right in front of the bathroom door. Even till now, I would follow you wherever You'd go. I'm your daughter, It is my blood and my responsibility to take care you and to love you till time part us. It is also my promise to Papa that I never let anyone hurt you, he gave me his trust to take care of you when he is gone. I never thought that those words would be the last I'd hear from him. I miss him and I know you miss him too but you missed him most.

Sometimes, I wonder if your crying or just alright but I know deep down, it hurts painfully to lose him. I can sense it sometimes. Sometimes, I can't stop crying knowing that I miss him even more when time grew further. But I kept my self strong for you, because I know you need me sometimes but most of the times I need you. Your my mother, your my strength, your the one that kept me alive till now. Your the one who'd pick me up when I got hurt. You always realizes when I'm crying or just sick because of flu. Every time I'd cry you would say anything to make me happy, anything to make sure that I'd stop. You once said that If I cry, it would only make you felt even more worst and you would cry too. Honestly, mama I don't know what to say or do to make you feel better after papa left. I don't know how to make you feel happier. I don't know what to say just to cheer you up. I can't think of any. You'd make me strong when I cry but I can't give back what you did. I don't know how. I want to so bad, every time. Every time. I want you to be happy.

Mama, you sacrifice a lot for me and so did papa. You both gave me everything you could to ensure I have a future, a life and not waste anything to make sure my life would be complete. This I know I can repay every little debt I owe to you both. I try my best with my life to make sure you get the life you want. I remember once you told me about your past. When you were young, you didn't have an easy life. You were also an orphan and you would carry your bicycle some times to school if it rains and mud puddle would be every where. How 50 cent would be more than enough for you to eat for one day. I remember every stories you told me of you growing up, as to that as you daughter I want to make your life easier and more tasteful. I want you forget the past that hurts you. However, those past is what kept me wanting to make you happy. I want you to stop having those burden you'd been having all your life. When the times come, I will take those responsibility that is on you shoulders and try to amends all of them one at a time. For every problem, I want you to have a life without problems and without pain and headache.

Mama, for every little mistake I'd make in my life. I want to ask for your forgiveness. I know I made tons of mistake before, sometimes I'd take you for granted, sometimes I yelled at you, sometimes I didn't listen to you. I know every mistake I've done and I apologies for all the mistake that has happen. I can't undo them but I can learn from them to avoid them. That is what you taught me. You taught me a lot while growing up, even now your still teaching me. Never take people for granted. If you let people have an easy life, Allah may grant you an easy life soon. Always respect the elderly and the young even though their naughty and stubborn most of the times. Always give others people first and your's last. Donate to the poor. All these were the one you showed me, you said to me, you gave to me. Even if you didn't meant to teach me, I would still pick it up with you noticing it. I would say now I'm shaping into someone I know you would be happy to see. After all, you did say I am the nicest but a pain to some people. I will try to make things better mama. I will learn and protect you from any harm.

Mama, I love you. I know there so many things to say but I can't say it all at once. Mama, for every sacrifice you made for me, I will try to repay everything even if it cost me my life. I know it might hurt you hearing this, but if you were in trouble or hurt. I will do my best to make sure the person that harm you will have his justice! Mama, I can't say much but if I could I would want to be your donor one day. Anything to make you happy, it is after all my promise.

I love you, mama.
You meant the world to me. You meant that much to me. I know there are people assuming that I forgotten about you because I have Ungku. But they don't know how I felt deep inside my heart. Even with him in my life, your the one that makes my heart beats, you make my life turn, you made every thing ticks and tocks. Honestly, your both important to me than anything in the world but mama your the only one that can hurt me and sadden me. Without you, I'm not sure where I'll be or how I'll be. Without you, I might not be as motivated as this. You mean that much, that much. I would give everything I could for you. For my love for you. For my duty to you. As your daughter, I love you. As your child, I gave my future to make your past gone. As your friend, I want to be there for you. You are my mother, you're my best friend. You're the only one that I could talk to about anything. I spent most of my life with you. Your my mother. Your my heart.

I love you mama.
Always.
Forever.


This is the last photo ever taken by my sister Elida. It is my beloved Papa, Mama, Me and Ungku Arif. A memory that I never forget. This picture was the last the I have ever taken with him. I miss you papa


Love Aya.
(Natalia Sulaiman)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

hummmmm exams.

Hello candy,

Yesterday I slept from 8PM till 4.30AM.. haha I was that tired and that busy the whole entire day of sunday I was doing my assignment and I didn't sleep till monday 8PM crazy right?

Today I woke up and I was still tired, huh! now it's 12.42 Am and IM still TIRED!!

But tomorrow I have midterm exam for Bahasa Melayu Korporal and on thursday I also have another midterm exam on Strategic Management! That's not all... Next week on 1 september I have another exam on Internal Auditing and on 3 September it's going to be one of the most toughest and hard paper! Advance Management Accounting! Grrrr...


So many exams, So little time!

More eye bags coming!

Ok candy.. tralalala...!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Fantasia~!

Hello candy,

Since I'm waiting for my friends to finish with their part of the assignment and do wait for discussion, I'm going to post about my dream wedding.. :P hahahaha I know right.. really??? it might happen! it's only a dream though, Just hoping.. but seriously I doubt it going to happen...



I'm so happy for Hilary Duff who got recently wed.. Best wishes for you, Hilary! from one your fan! hehe


I like hair like this because it's easy and very elegant. Also, it is very chic and fashionable. However though, I wear a scarf (tudung) So this type of hair is not in the question. Hurmmmm



tumblr dashboard


rings.. gosh~!! Bling Bling.. I kind of like cuts and shapes like these but there are other options~!



morphinebliss




morphinebliss




morphinebliss


dresses?? haha well I'm a muslim thus I need to be Muslimah in all way possible~! so I can't have vera wang design for me, I'm not that rich!!! Honestly though, her dresses are really pretty and If only! if only then maybe.. right?? I can only dream of dresses like this...

if you want you can look at her website. OMG!! I loving all of it! But my top 10 would be callalily, dylan, eleanor, devon, daphne, deandra, amelia and tatiana.

I kinda like dresses like this for its waist and longigation. hahaha I want to look taller!! Serious candy, I'm 4 ft 11!! I'm not yet 5 ft!! Not reaching it either!


details like this is just amazing!!



themes...?? I like a lot of them! some would be garden theme, beach theme, simple river runs through theme, white theme, sakura theme and well... MANY!



morphinebliss




don't you think it's a bit lavish and rich?? Yep.. I think so too..

I have to say I havent thought about the food!! Would malaysian food mixed with this lavish and extravagant theme?? Hurmmm Well I hope you guys can guess..

well I guess thats it for my dream wedding but I haven't really thought of it thoroughly, only just what to wear, the ring.. the cake???!! OMG I left that one out.. HUrmm... Maybe later..



Bye candy!! It's time to finish with assignment!
Still doing assignment~!! and its 9.11AM

Apple

hello Candy!

It's been a long time from updates~! But I'm actually busy with assignments, mid term exams, quizzes and tutorial home works~!! HUH.. it's too much.. but I'm happy! Mid term break is coming~!! and Hari Raya Holidays is also near~!! yea!!

Oakay candy!

Later.. Im busy doing assignment and presentation slide for Strategic Management...

HELP



fofurasfelinas

Monday, August 16, 2010

food!! nomnomnom

Hello candy!

Candy, it is my honour to tell you what I have eaten in this past 5 days of fasting! That's nearly a whole week, I'm just excited to tell you about it! I hope your saliva will be ready and your stomach isn't full for the foods. I'm sure you want to eat it too.. hehehe

okay!

For the 1st day of Ramadhan, I've this acknowledgement that I want to save money. A friend of mine, Farah said that she only spent RM5 for one day! and I want to do it too! Too save money of course! So, that day I've decided to eat LAKSA PENANG! It's cost RM2. For sahur, or I oooked porridge. Yum! Save money =RM3

For 2nd day, I think I sort of overspent or kinda overstress because that night I had an Exam for Corporate Governance which I did not do very well on! HUH! Okay back on the topic of foods, I bought fried mihun, jelly or agar-agar, caramel pudding and air kelapa. hmmmm I like! I was stresses then! All this cost about RM4.50 haha! For sahur, I cooked Kampung Fried Rice and I cooked for 4 people which for me and my housemate! Save money= RM0.50

For the 3rd day however, I went back to KL to spend time with my mother. We both went a little over board with the food since mama said this week is the only week she's going out so she eat what she could. So budget is not included this time candy. Caramel pudding, nata de coco pudding, blueberry tart, creme puff, karipap or curry puff, murtabak,bubur pisang, bubur pulut merah, some assorted kuih muih I'm not sure the name is. That's only for side dishes! The main dish would be Pajeri nanas, Nasi beriyani with kurma ayam, acar, ayam bakar, ikar pari with assam pedas, and I sort of forget. There were too much!! But the funny thing was that Mama and I didn't wake up for sahur! hahaha

For the 4th day, I'm just gonna sum it all up. Mee rebus, Bakso, Bergedil, Bubur Pisang, creme puff, blueberry tart, karipap, jelly. i think that's it. But for sahur, we ate rice, kari chicken, acar, leftover from yesterday which gave me stomach ache.

For the 5th day, Ikar BAKAR!! Ikan Pari!! Ayam percik, pucuk paku masak lemak cili padi, kangkung goreng belacan, caramel pudding and air limau kasturi.

So candy, I think I've not been dieting and this is soooo much food. I'm starting to be getting hungry! Grrr.. But I can wait for berbuka. Oh in case your wondering, I drank Tropicana Twister Orange juice all the time for breaking fast. Hehe Nak promote kejap brand tu.

I hope you have a lovely day candy. Choose your food wisely and don't follow the lust so much. It'll only be wasted.

Friday, August 13, 2010

fasting

hello candy!

I've decided to actually give a brief summary of ramadhan but instead of saying it in my own words, i'm going to add some from wikipedia.

from wikipeida:-
Ramadan (Arabic: رمضان‎ Ramaḍān, Arabic pronunciation: [rɑmɑdˤɑːn]) (also Ramazan, Ramzan, Ramadhan, Ramdan, Ramadaan) is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. It is the Islamic month of fasting, in which participating Muslims refrain from eating, drinking and sexual activities from dawn until sunset. Fasting is intended to teach Muslims about patience, humility, and spirituality. It is a time for Muslims to fast for the sake of God (Arabic: الله‎, trans: Allah) and to offer more prayer than usual. During Ramadan, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. As compared to the solar calendar, the dates of Ramadan vary, moving backwards about ten days each year depending on the moon. Muslims believe Ramadan to be the month in which the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed to the Prophet Muhammad.

from me:-
ramadhan is a month where we muslims refrain ourselves from eating, drinking, and sexualy activities as stated from above. It also means that we can't put anything inside our body. for example we can't pick our nose, put a finger inside our mouths or clean the inside or ears. this part of months is mostly about the teaching us to be patience and spirituality. this part of months we have tarawikh which for me has lailatul qadar in the end of the month which is 10 days before it ends. this part of time is where "the night of decree or measures" or the holy night of the year where the sun is glowing white. so this is in my opinion.

im sure others has their own. don't be discreet if i make mistakes. im sorry and i apologies for any mishaps i've stated above.

ramadhan

hello candy!

so it's a new month and a very important month in islam calendar! I'm so happy get to fast! ramadhan al-mubarak has started! and soon will be hari raya!!! yeaaa!!!

tomorrow im going home to break my fast with my beloved mama however im also heavily sad because arif is not healthy and he is sick with fever, soar throat, coughing, flu and his body is tired. i'm not happy nor im not sad.. im in between because i'm happy i got to be with mama also i'm sad because i can't take care of arif! huh~!!

give me strength and let him get well soon. I hope mama will be happy when i come home tomorrow..

bye candy!

Monday, August 9, 2010

dog tired

Hello candy!


photo by i like tomatoes


I've arrived from KL, a weekend spent with mama and arif with almost of his friends. It was tiring thought when I was doing all the spending and having fun and shopping...bla..bla..bla.. tired!

OKay! to start of, I was suppose to go back on Thursday but Arif said he wanted to follow and some of his friends, cyborg and adam wanted to head there too so eventually we left muadzam on friday, exactly at 6.pm! seriously my lappie is doing s*** because suddenly it crashed! and all what i've wrote is gone!!


photo by kiimchi tumblr


arghhh!!! okay im off to bed now! can't re-write what i wrote my head is sleepy and i have a sore throat.. errrr... yuck!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

jaded

Hello candy,

Im just browsing the internet for some fun stuff to see. There's a few things I like and a few I'm just stagger at. I know it's lame since the world cup is so over but I kinda like looking at Mesut Ozil. Not only is he the same age as me, he is also a muslim. It is so astonishing and ridiculous. Right?? It's possible in this world. It's lame but he is weird looking and plays good but I really have no idea why I like looking at him. Anyway, I'll try to find a good looking picture of him for you to drool over. Haha


Found it!

Mesut Ozil

photo from his facebook

It's weird about the guy who found the yellow crab, i mean lobster is 1 to 30 million??? wow! it's his luck alright! congrats!! I found it to be very amusing. I only know of 1 coloured lobster which is red! haha when it's cooked! so foolish of me! but I'm not that silly I just don't see the world much! If you could see through my eyes, I tend to be guided in one direction. My eyes aren't accurate!

Okay! stop with the mad news of myself! Today, is not a very special day because I'm tired, bored, sleepy and easily enough lets just sum it all in one = JADED!

hurmmm what to do? I have class at 5 and then later at 8 which is boring since the night class finishes at 11!! I'm so famished by then! grrr.. my housemate's hazz and wanis both went to class and nelly is off to KL. it makes me so envy! I want to fo home! I miss my mom!! Mama I miss u! I love u! GRRRRR.... I'm here blogging with u candy! and in 30 minutes time I have to get ready for class... huhuh...


photo byanne tumblr



photo by jewellann (flickr)


both this dresses are so superb! It's shape and design is like OMG!! and the pattern is what i love most!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

midnight mayhem

hello candy!

It seems like wonders today. Actually, I had a quiz today about advance management accounting and it was hard! but not that hard! I just hope I got better results than the previous quiz. The subject is not one to take it likely, it's hard and for me when you memorize it and understand it, it's simple but when your graded by your lecturer it might seem that your not quite adequate enough. I'm troubled actually by this subject. I know what i'm learning and I understand it but my answers aren't correct. Huh! Saddneeeesssss roams my night tonight!

Later at 2pm I had tutorial for Corporate Governance. I heard it was an easy subject something you can understand and have fun in but I'm also not sure what is going on. I guess it's time to study again and over again till my brain damages itself!



My night tonight seems to be much of a worrier! but I did have some fun like screaming just by seeing an incredible weird looking insect flying around inside the house!! It's creepy and yucky!! I don't like it! How am i going to sleep tonight??!!

However, tomorrow is a great day! I have no morning class! but i do have class at 5-7pm and 8-11pm.. the last night class makes me feel like an OWL! duh! It takes so long! and it at night! people just want it to be deal with and go eat!

Okay! I'm going to stop bragging! it's such a mayhem! I can't think straight! I have homework! 9 question!!

bye candy!

Monday, August 2, 2010

paralyzed

candy,






i miss being loved. i missed having spending time with those people. i miss being with every each and one of them. i miss seeing the sight of u smiling across my eyes. i miss looking at those cheeks, at those eyes and say funny things funny jokes. with u i always feel freedom and happiness. with u i always feel the vast ocean in my life. i miss every sight of days when we were together. i missed it all. i miss u.




I THINK WITH LOVE YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE FINDING IT UNTIL YOU FOUND IT -CHRIS L

mental

Hello candy!

sometimes in life, you feel the most urges to love, to hold and to behold. Never in your life would you feel the benefit and disadvantages in life to come. You might overcome some challenges but in life truly, there will only be road bumps and humps but it all mostly be crossroads.



we learn to love at a very young age with the help of our parents emotion and devotion towards each other. We also learn to hate from them. I guess that's the nature of life, most people says that your parents may teach you stuff but most stuff they don't teach is the things we learn just by looking at them. My parent love each other thus I learn to love everything in life from them. Especially towards cats, animals and people. Respect and forgiveness. Sacrifices and sadness.

Most people forget that life can be cut short with a snap of a finger. They even forget who have that much power to take them. Actually candy, I'm in no mood for writing what happen in the past week. I'm certainly lost in translation right now. I felt as if a big gulp has stolen my life. I'm embarrassed, ashamed and I feel as if i'm going crazy! I don't know what to do or what to think. All I can think of is I'm scared and I'm alone. very much alone. There is no body in my life. just emptiness and sorrow.



I'm not sure if it's about papa or anything related but I'm in a place where I just want to be alone and i want no one. because no one wants to see me, talk to me or even spend time with me. I'm just ALONE!

You think, you love someone and you want to care for them but they doesn't want it in return. what does that mean?? why don't you want me to care for you? why don't you want me to worry for you? why? why? why? All i want is for you to be happy and safe, am i that troublesome?? am i a pressure in ur life?? i don't understand! seriously candy! I don't! I don't! I don't!

i don't even know what is wrong? what is happening?
candy, i've begin to cry again! it's just frustrating. i can't!
sorry. i guess i'm at that crossroad right now.