Monday, June 7, 2010

I finally distort myself by being sick, ill and vomiting. I manage to be online and write what I think I am suppose to write but I really don't know. I'm not well and I'm dizzy most of the time but I want to write and tell people about my life and how I am doing. At times, i think this is great because people start to like me and love what i wrote.

A friend of mine, Iskandar Amin said that He liked what I wrote and thought of my as Brave because of what I'm going through. He even said that he sort of respected me because if he were in my situation, he wouldn't know what to do. To be honest, I don't know either. I don't know what I am doing either. I'm not sure whether I should be writing or just simply do nothing. But what Iskandar said means a lot to me. It felt as if what I wrote touches people in so many way and he felt as if it was deep.

Thanks Is!

I told you yesterday that I cried on father grave right? Today i cried again and this time I notice why I cried. If papa was around, he would say eat your medicine or take a rest. I missed that! I really do! I miss him! I'm in tears just by thinking of him! Many people, my mom and everybody else has moved on but I simply can't say. I really don't know honestly I hope no one forgotten who he is or what he meant to us or anything about him. I really wouldn't want that. Though, My mom hasn't really moved on, she will say little things about him or would simply just wear his "kain Pelekat" or his cloths. It's great that she missed him but I wouldn't want that. She scolded me once for touching Papa's stuff and said she never hold them not once! when he already left us. Not even once. The only she touches was those that meant a lot for me and her. Especially his favorite blue and white plaid shirt. He kept wearing that all day if he was here. I miss that sight! I miss that man walking around my house and would stalked the refrigerator and who is always hungry.

I always told my mom that I never regretted him passing and I told all of you too didn't I? I did what i could, what he wanted I gave, what he liked I let him have it. I miss u. Papa liked 100 Plus and Tropicana Twister, those were his favorite. The things I miss the most about him is that he would just simply take or drink or eat whatever he liked in the refrigerator. Now, there are food in there that hasn't been touch or eaten. Unfortunately, I have no appetite for it. I miss him too damn much!

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