Saturday, June 5, 2010

Little Thoughts On my Head

As day surpasses my life, moving on is not something i liked. I had hoped for the best but things has taken it's toll on me. I've become more lazy and increasingly tired as the minute goes by. I didn't care for what was going to happen because my life has lost it's glory and shine. I wouldn't care about anything even coming online was just boredom for me. Text Messages or phone calls just didn't do the trick for me. I needed fresh air and I needed a companion. I wanted to be hold again and be loved again just like how my father would. Though my life with my father was nothing but happy, I'd still miss him. I know this rather boring but i miss my old man who would stalk the refrigerator at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning and watch the news on Astro.

At first writing about this blog would be a candy land express but now it doesn't look anything like icing on the cake or a big and lushes round lollipop. It doesn't look like it now. So i thought of renaming my blog to something that is more likely in tuned and at the same mood as I am but i have to figure it out again and remodel my blog again with the help of some blogskins and others.

I'm not being suicidal or goth neither are my emotions towards a self-destruction phase. I guess people go through this when they lost someone who is very dear and important to them. I hope I will get better soon and I hope that I will be happy in life. Though, something is telling me that I won't be the same funny little adorable person as I was before. I sort of feel like I'm no longer that women you would see walking down a street smiling or acting weirdly and talking to herself. I feel as if I am changed and grown up to look at the world differently and emotionally I've finally realized that it was time to make a move in life and make a living rather than see on my ass. My father sacrifice a lot for my education and I have to repay him somehow. I guess this is how. My working or graduating for my Degree or even gaining 410 millions hahahaha I have to work though to get it right?

so now! This is my ambition. To work and to gain the revenue I need to have a steady life and I won't have any assets or properties belonging to my late father because I am not eligible for it. I am over 21 the legal age and if I wanted anything, it wouldn't be determined now. I'm not hoping for anything but I just want something from my father and that is His Love and Affection as well as to know that he is Proud of me and Amazed to found out what I could achieved in Life. I'm not crazed for treasure and being rich or fanatic of having thousands or millions of properties but in life my father did say that "money is what driven people" Which is true, he once told me that the people around him only loved him because of his money and that people would no longer care about him if he had none. So, when he was at the top of his gain people would come and go till the day he had none, people already stop coming. He even added that my family ( 1st wife and 2nd wife) was also the same. We would treat him differently. But I didn't see it that way. I loved him no matter what. Like I said in my previous post, I didn't show my love for him, I hide it deep. But my mom loved him even with or without the money, I certainly saw it! Even when he died, it devastated my mother; it hurt her to have him leave us too early, My mother soul mate.

In dedication to him, My life would be for the gain and loss we suffered in life and to ensure our life would be different. We still miss u.

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